This is probably not a good time to write since I'm feeling pretty emotional and I almost didn't but then reminded myself that since life with diabetes isn't all rosy and happy, I don't want my blog to make it look like it is so here goes.
So yesterday I woke up with a bg of 149. Not what I like but I figured it could be much worse. Lunchtime was 143 so I thought I was doing okay. Dinnertime came and I had a huge 326. I knew I'd been picking at stuff while my mom was baking and shouldn't have so I thought that was all it was but was still upset because I haven't tested 300+ it probably a month. I prebolused and considering we had pizza for dinner when I had a 170 awhile before bed I was happy. By an hour and a half later when I was ready for bed it had gone up to 257. Mind you that was with NO carbs and having drank like 20 oz of water. I thought maybe it was a very delayed high from the pizza. I corrected and went to bed. This mornings fasting was 175 :( Tried to be pretty careful with my breakfast bolus and 2.5 hours later with NO snacking I was 279. My frustration was going up big time. I gave more correction then my pump was going to. Did that work? Nope! 1.5 hours later with no real amount of food, I was only down to 258. Our Sunday lunch was brown rice, chicken (no breading), green beans and an Oreo cheese cake. I ate plenty of chicken and beans, just a little bit rice and then I did something that took a lot of willpower. I got up and left the table when my family was gonna have the cheesecake. I am proud I had the strength to do it even though I'm not gonna lie that it hit me pretty hard emotionally. Why should diabetes dictate what I eat to the point it drives me to tears? I know its just silly cheesecake but to me its not about the actual food that I couldn't eat but the fact that the last day has been soooo frustrating :( I feel drained and just want my blood sugars to act the way they should! :(
So to wrap up the last bit of what there is to say, I'm gonna say that while I have lots of homework to do and its already 2:30 in the afternoon, I'm giving in to a little nap before I tackle it to see if I feel more like doing it then.
So now that I'm done venting all my frustration about cheesecake and crying on all your shoulders, which I felt was needed since you guys get it like my family, well meaning as they are, don't, I'll sum it up by saying this is what a hard day of diabetes looks like. Its frustrating and most importantly, its okay to be frustrated. I don't often come to the point of tears over stuff like this but today it is really bothering me. Maybe after my nap my bgs will be better.
Hope everyone's Sunday is going better then mine.